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I am engaged to a guy who I have been dating for 4.5 years.

As our dating progressed it became obvious to me that he is cheap.I do expect my husband to help with car payments, medical insurance, basic stuff, I am not even talking about shopping and material things, and this is a guy who is a multi-millionaire, and I made 0k up until last year because of the economy and now until I do something else, am only making about 45k.I am worried about marrying someone who would watch me struggle and not offer to help or was that spoiled that he doesn’t have the “right” consideration for me. Dear Lara, You know what they say about rich guys, right? So first of all, let’s get one thing out of the way first: he’s definitely selfish.(Our incomes are similar.) But in the event of dissolution of the marriage, I only get a half of the increase in the value of the house. Naomi Dear Naomi, We are sure that you are not imagining that the man you are dating is "cheap." Some people are like that, and they will never change.If the value doesn't increase, I get nothing, even though I'd be paying half toward the mortgage and upkeep of the house. Can you give a general guideline of what works in second marriages so nobody is resentful? Can I expect to get used to this and not feel hurt and lose respect? The question for you is -- is he generous enough to you in other ways to make you feel cherished and cared for? When I asked why he said that he doesn’t see the point in spending more than a certain amount given the fact that so few first dates turn into second dates. I can assure you that most if not all of those really attractive women heading into those coffee dates are doing so under duress. He told me the story of a woman, one that he found attractive, that he took on a second date. Within an hour or so of getting to the bowling alley, she made an excuse about needing to get up early. Or they find him cheap, which is the kiss of death. It’s also quite possible that he looks nothing like his photos, either. He’s trying to land women who want to or are expecting to be wined and dined. If it's like that now what will be when we're married?Also the pre-nuptials that he wants is that I'd move into his house, and we'll split all expenses.I had a very interesting Troubleshooting session with a guy from NYC today. Jay is 35, boyishly handsome and a doctor(resident). A dubious new study decided to examine whether this age-old assumption was true or not, and it turns out that guys who take you on a more expensive date are looking for more of a commitment than a cheap guy. It seems superficial (okay, it probably is), but I've always been told that if a guy is not willing to shell out some money (I'm not talking anything elaborate, you can buy me a movie ticket and I'll be happy) on a first date, he's not the business. And they wouldn’t, because most are too concerned with their public image and getting voted Best Dating Advice Giver of 2012 for Popular Mechanics magazine. That means more money and better places/date ideas. Jay said that he sees plenty of women he finds attractive with guys below him in looks. As ugly as that sounds, that’s what it’s all about. I told him that I could refer dozens, but none of them would tell him the truth. Because you are competing against every other good looking docter/lawyer/i-banker on




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