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Although the vast majority of victims are female, some are male, too.But whichever sex, the trauma can be the same, and very intense and damaging.You will always be drawn to and attract destructive men because you will communicate in the same way, unless you become aware of your traits.Once you do, you will be able separate how you respond to certain men based on how they approach you and how they communicate with you.Starting over and dating after abusive relationship can be daunting but providing you have recovered sufficiently and rebuilt your self-esteem, know your own strengths and what you need from a relationship, there is no need to avoid meeting new people.Abusive relationships, whether physically or mentally abusive, or both, are terrible, and getting out of one can seem like a huge relief.It can certainly make the idea of dating again very difficult.

You fear betrayal and therefore find it difficult to trust this person.Very few people look forward to dating again after the end of an abusive relationship. You may wonder how you will ever be able to trust yourself to not date another abuser.But let’s say you’ve entered another relationship and things are going great. You feel relieved to discover that the abusive personality of your ex had nothing to do with your taste in partners. Maybe the abuse didn’t start with your ex – it may have begun in your childhood.I found myself unwilling to tell the first guy I dated after my abusive relationship about the abuse at all, for fear that he would judge me for it and see me differently.He had never experienced abuse firsthand, which only increased my reservedness.You fear (and rightly so) becoming vulnerable to a person who may only use that vulnerability as a weapon.Part of learning to trust again is purposefully working through the grieving process. And, ultimately, when you have reached a place of healing, you still have a right to protect yourself from hurt.If you return to the dating scene after you’ve been with a destructive man and think you don’t need to plan, then I guarantee that you will end up picking your default dude, or should I say, your default dud.If you are not being intentional in picking your new mate, that is exactly what you will get, a dud, and quite possibly, another destructive one.Women who have been with destructive men often rush into new relationships before they have had time to process what happened, and before they understand what to do differently.Some assume the last guy was just a bad pick-or that he changed, but the one thing that hasn’t changed, and won’t ever change, are your traits, and it is your traits that will get you trapped again unless you are aware of how they function, and work them to your advantage.Try making a list of healthy relationship characteristics and respectful partner traits. If you begin dating and start to notice things about your partner that make you uncomfortable, don’t just ignore them.Don’t minimize questionable behaviors or write them off as personality traits.The inclination can be to put off dating, and that's a good move for a while.Eventually, though, you'll probably want to dip a toe in the water again.

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